I’m Planning My Wedding While My Mother Is Losing Her Memory About My Partner

• When I was a baby, my grandparents took me in and raised me.
• In my mid-20s, my mother began to lose her memory, causing me to feel lonely.
• My fiancé and I are planning our wedding as quickly as possible so that he can be a part of our wedding.

When I was growing up in a Jewish school, the Rabbi’s son asked me: “What is it like? live with your grandparents?” It was an innocent question, but not surprising.

My grandparents took me in when I was a baby and I don’t remember life before them. For me they are just mom and dad.

When I compared my life to the traditional families I saw around me as a child, coming home to grandparents instead of mom and dad seemed like the biggest difference to me. And for a very long time, decades in fact, that remained the biggest difference, other than the fact that: I went out I’m in my early 20s.

My mother started to lose her memory

Then, in my mid-20s, something else began that set me apart from my peers once again. Mine My mother was starting to lose her memory..

There are many emotions associated with memory loss. Shame, shame. I didn’t feel any of this. Instead, anger and sadness surfaced.

Anger at having to experience this at my age and sadness at accepting this fact. My mom will probably never meet my kids. A woman in her late 40s who decided to become a mother to her first grandchild for the fourth time.

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Not a single person in my personal or professional network seemed to be able to relate to what I was experiencing.

I can’t count how many nights I’ve spent I cried myself to sleep Or how many times I broke down in front of everyone. At events, parties, at work. I felt like a constantly boiling pot of water. I suffered in silence for years, afraid to bring it up to my family and unable to confide in anyone.

Then I started talking about it.

I asked my father questions

Those who were most affected by this incident were those who did not want to talk about it. My father, who has no memory of a life without my mother. My aunt who is afraid that she will die one day if you are experiencing the same symptoms. And I never thought this would happen to me, even after watching what my mother went through with her mother.

I started asking my father questions and let him know that I was there for him even if he needed me.

To me, he has become the superhero I always knew he was.

My mother and father have been married for 61 years. They met when they were 17 and 20 and are now both in their 80s. My father, an immigrant child Holocaust survivors and a former small business owner who supported two generations of children.

He worked incredibly hard and built a successful business. Everyone knew him in our town. He and my mom attended every art class, soccer practice, and Taekwondo class. She cooked, planted vegetables, and did so much to create the most beautiful, perfect life for all of us. It still is.

Dad keeps Mom active

Every week he accompanies my mother in various activities to challenge her brain and keep her happy and healthy: ping pong, swimming lessonsweightlifting and Zumba classes. Sometimes it feels like they live on a college campus. He laughs and smiles every time I see him.

What didn’t change was the way he looked at her and at me. After all, I am his favorite child.

When my fiancée got engaged last summer, my only priority was to plan a wedding as soon as possible. My father encouraged me to plan it within a year to make sure my mother could attend and understand what was going on.

We’ll be getting married at the end of next summer, and my mom and dad will walk me down the aisle. There is no doubt in my mind. I couldn’t imagine celebrating this milestone without my two best friends by my side.

I realized I’m not alone

When I graduated from graduate school, my mother and father wrote notes on the cards they gave me. “You can be anything,” my mom wrote. These words are now tattooed on my left wrist as a constant reminder of how much he always believed in me. On my right wrist I have a tattoo of the Chai necklace my father gave me and the Chai necklace his father gave him. It is a constant reminder of the challenges each generation in my family has managed to overcome.

My father now makes my mother make coloring books every week. My partner and I plan to frame some of his drawings for our children’s bedrooms one day. No matter what the next few years bring to my family, my mother’s presence will be everywhere.

The more I talked about my experiences and feelings, the more I realized that many people around me were in similar situations. People in their 20s, 30s and 40s have all told me about a parent living with memory loss and how it affects their family.

Alzheimer’s Association says Nearly two-thirds of Americans living with Alzheimer’s are women. Please remember, none of us are truly alone.